If you are reading this on behalf of someone else, here is some advice on how to help them deal with the pain and loss of their miscarriage....
- Do let your genuine concern and caring show.
- Do be available... to listen or to help with whatever seems needed at the time.
- Do say you are sorry about what has happened and about their pain.
- Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
- Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and not to expect too much of themselves, nor to impose any 'shoulds' on themselves.
- Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
- Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it wasn't their fault.
- Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
- Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends may add pain to an already painful experience.
- Don't say that you know how they feel (unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then you can be particularly supportive).
- Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgment about their feelings.
- Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
- Don't change the subject when they mention their loss.
- Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
- Don't try to find something positive about the loss (eg. a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc).
- Don't point out that at least they have their other....
- Don't say that they can always have another.... (they wanted this one).
- Don't say that they should be grateful for....
- Don't make comments which in any way suggest that the loss was their fault (there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).
For more information on Women's Health and Miscarriage... check out this link...
They have some great information....