Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Carla's House of Horrors

(Or not so Wordless Wednesday!)

Imagine, y
ou're walking through the enchanted candy forest toward, oh let's say... Candy Mountain. You stop at Timmys for some Timbits, and then Mcds for a burger. In the parking lot you are almost run over by a crazy man driving a garbage/tow truck. You head for the hills. You are walking through the licorice trees and around the marshmallow rocks. There is a light dusting of icing sugar snow. Everywhere you look you see gummy bear prints in the snow, but no gummy bears. In the distance you see blue gummy whales swimming in the ocean of pepsi. As the sun begins to set you find it getting colder. Soon you begin looking for shelter. You smell the sweet scent of cotton candy and caramel apples. You walk toward the smell and come upon a small cabin. The walls are made of graham crackers. The Christmas ornaments are made out of smarties and skittles. You notice the ground around the door littered with cigarette butts, looks like Popeye brand. You approach the door, it is made of white chocolate framed with a purple twizzler. By now you're cold and you really need a bathroom(you should NOT eat Mcds). You knock softly on the door.... No answer. You knock harder... No answer. Strange since there is smoke coming out of the lollipop chimney.

Maybe the residents are around back, you think. As you circle the cabin, on the peanut brittle side walk, you notice an axe and a chainsaw leaning against the wall. Probably for cutting fire wood, you think. You step around the green jujube shrubs, and the sight in front of you makes you toss your chocolate chip cookies.
Hanging on the back wall of this little shop of horrors is the remains of no less than ten rare endangered gummy bears. The bear hides are stripped and their blood is drained into the snow under them. You see the large sign selling the bear skin rugs for a mere $5.
Suddenly you know you must escape. You turn to run, too late...

Everything goes dark as a bag is pulled over your head. Your assailant kicks you right in the pop rocks. You feel dozens of creepy hands all over your body and you fell a needle slip into your arm. As you drift into unconsciousness you hear chanting that sounds like "oompa loompa."

You wake. You feel nothing but cold. You open your eyes to see a shower curtain. You are in a bathtub. The bathtub is filled with ice cream, looks like banana fudge. You try to stand and feel a sharp pain in your side. As you touch your side you feel crude stitches. With horror you realize the awful truth, and scream,
"They took my freakin’ kidney!"

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